This is a journal entry I found from a while ago. I felt moved to share my honest pleas to Papa God.
We can be honest with Him, besides He knows it all anyways ; )
My eyes can't hold it in any longer.
I'm more broken than I think.
These lies have haunted me for so long, I feel attacked on every side.
Issues I thought I'd dealt with are getting brought up again.
Right when I think I'm doing okay, I find myself running back into your arms.
It's the only place I feel safe.
I'm still learning to trust the one who's the most trustworthy.
How can I let anyone else in?
I've hid these shameful secrets in a closet and locked the door, the deceiver holds the key.
I'm ready to take it back and unlock the door.
The thing the enemy called my weakness will now become my strength.
I'm tired of pretending I have it all together.
My mind is a place of wicked thoughts, Jesus sweep it out, clean away the dust and the cobwebs.
You are clothing me in the whitest linens.
I've said, "You have my whole heart...", but now I'm realizing I've withheld, out of fear of giving it all
Love scares me.
Love means intimacy, not just physically, but it means my heart is exposed.
Thank you for not forcing yourself on me.
I can hold your hand for now, I know you're patient.
I know you're gentle.
You're teaching me what love really is.
You're not a fantasy.
You don't exist for me, I exist for you.
I feel trapped in this body of sinful desire.
Sometimes I wish I could fly away and escape this world.
You keep me sane.