So, today I was driving home from a friend's house and this song came on the radio.
*Come As You Are - Pocketful Of Rocks*
He's not mad at you
He's not disappointed
His grace is greater still,
than all of your wrong choices
He is full of mercy and he is ever kind
Hear his invitation, His arms are open wide
You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
Louder than the voice that whispers your unworthy
Hear the sound of love,
that tells a different story
Shattering your darkness and pushing through the lies
How tenderly he calls you,
His arms are open wide
This song really reminded me of my experience with YWAM and how I was so broken and scarred before I went. God really healed me and washed me white as snow.
Something I have been really trying to give up to God since I have been home is not looking back. I have an ugly past, I know this. But what I have to keep reminding myself of is "I am a new creation in Christ." What I did in the past doesn't matter anymore. Satan tells me lies all the time like: "You're broken, you're unworthy", or "Nobody could ever love you, you're filthy." Those are such lies. What matters is that I live for Christ now. Everything I do revolves around Him and I have nothing to be ashamed of anymore. Since I have been home, I have heard comments that just break my heart, but like I said, I have to keep reminding myself to look forward and focus on who I am now. Whatever people say about me, I must focus on the Lord, and what He has brought me through and how He has brought me to be the person I am now today. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO BACK TO MY OLD WAYS. I LIVE FOR CHRIST NOW.
On another note, it's been so hard being home and hearing friends talk about stupid things that don't matter in the kingdom of God. We are here for ONE reason and that is to bring others to Christ. That is the ONLY reason. Get it through your heads people. It doesn't matter who you're dating, how much money you have, what outfit you're going to where to a party...IT DOESN'T MATTER. The Lord wants our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. That means our hearts should hurt for things His heart hurts for, and that our minds our pure and holy like His, and that our bodies are serving Him, and our souls are in tune with His. God is our only hope. And there are people our there who have never heard about Jesus. That's a challenge to me. I want to go out there and find those people, as hard as it might be, I have the Lord on my side. How much better can it get?
I don't really know what the main point of this post is. I guess it's that I am so madly in love with my Christ Jesus that I want to scream it from every mountain top (so cliche, but true). He is who I rely on everyday, not myself. Like, the other night when I sang in front of about 75 homeless people. I had to sing 12 songs! That's a lot for a voice that's never been trained or for a person who was nervous as heck. ha ha. But I had to rely on the fact that I was worshipping our Almighty God and He deserves everything I can give Him. So as bad as my voice sounded, I worshipped Him with all my heart. I just love how God provides for us in such mysterious ways. It keeps me longing for more and more of Him.
"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. O, Lord I give my life to you, I trust in you, my God! The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness, all who keep his covenant and obey his demands."